I hate the holidays, especially Christmas, but I will get
into those details in a later blog. Thanksgiving and Christmas always seem to
end up being days when I don’t get out of my pajamas and end up crying. Today
would have been no exception if it weren't for the fact that I started crying
earlier than usual. And it wouldn't make any difference if I had been invited
to spend the day with some well-meaning friend, been there, done that, just
waited to get home before bawling like a baby. Truth is if I can’t be with my
family I would rather be alone! Thanksgiving and Christmas end up being just
another day in Paradise – and I would gladly give up every single thing I own,
live in a trailer freezing my ass off if it meant that I could spend time with
my kids and be able to watch my granddaughters grow up in person instead of on
YouTube! Oh don’t get me wrong – if it weren't for Diana’s You Tube channel I
wouldn't be able to see them at all!! I have already completely missed out on
Savannah, and Mara barely knows me. I am nothing but a name – the ‘other Nana’
for Isabella, and Natalie doesn't have a clue. The only time she has ever seen
me she was 6 months old. I would be a complete stranger to her at this point.
And it infuriates me that Grandad gets to be there for everything, because he
hijacked my life and forced me out!! He hates me and won’t speak to me – and
yet, where would he be and what would he have if it wasn't for me?? But – I am
not going to go off on that particular tangent – that water went under the
bridge 30+ years ago, won’t make anything better or different to obsess about
it now.
I guess the point I want to make while I sit here waiting
for my lukewarm dinner to be delivered from the English Pub is, be THANKFUL!!
If you are sitting around a table with your family – no matter how crazy you
think they are – BE THANKFUL!! Because you never know how long you have with
them, someday you might lose them, or you might be really, really stupid and move, far,
far away from them, and you will end up missing them like crazy and you will be very, very sorry!! So be THANKFUL – for every minute you get to
spend with your loved ones, all the bad jokes you have to endure, the squabbles
and disagreements. Because you never know when you will get another chance to
say I love you.
And just so that you don't think that today was a complete bust, my daughter did call me earlier. I was half-way through a crying jag at the time, but I think I managed to successfully disguise the fact, and it made me feel a whole lot better to think that I haven't been totally forgotten.
Well, my dinner has just arrived – and for some odd reason this has caused me to start crying again.
(yes, there is pumpkin pie)
So I’m just going to say Happy Thanksgiving to anybody that reads this, and if you are not alone today, BE THANKFUL, and don't forget to feed the fish!!
