eHarmony sucks, and other updates

19 August 2013

Perhaps I am throwing in the towel a little too soon, but I have given up on eHarmony.  This service is probably good for people who live in larger metropolitan areas, and are younger.  But for me it has turned out to be a monumental waste of time and MONEY!!  And that’s probably the reason I am so pissed off at myself – I really did not need to waste my money on this.  But, seems they will not let me out of the deal, and I really am stuck with it for a year – soooo – on the advice of my dear friend Dana, I decided I might as well extend my distance parameters and set them to anywhere in the world!!!  Oh what fun!!  I have already exchanged questions and answers with five guys (sounds like a burger joint), one in Coventry, one in Queensland; I think one is in Montana.  And this week I got some matches from Hawaii, and Alaska, Colorado, New Mexico – Oslo!  So, I'm just going to play around with looking at pictures – sometimes I send out a ‘smile’, or I might send some questions;  invariably the guys I am interested in don't respond, and the ones that are interested in me are one step short of falling into the Quasimodo category .  

But – good news!!  I am very pleased to announce that I am no longer taking the rejection personally – going back to the time when I had dating profiles at every dating website available, I would be borderline suicidal if a guy wouldn't respond, or worse yet went through all the steps in the eHarmony courtship ritual, only to have him blow me off at the end and say he would rather pursue ‘another relationship’.  I had the delightful experience of meeting one of those guys when I was working in the housewares department at Macy’s, and he came in with the ‘other relationship’ in tow to buy a complete set of Lenox China.  I thought he looked familiar and it didn't take me too long to realize he had been a match on eHarmony.  Because he was special ordering a couple of grand worth of china, crystal and matching gold-plated flatware, I had to get all his personal data, and what-do-you-know, this guy owns a mini-mansion right on the beach in Port Royal. Now if you don’t know anything about Naples, Google Port Royal.  Allegedly Steven Spielberg has a house down there – which would not surprise me in the least.  Anyway – the future Mrs. Moneybags looked bored out of her mind and completely disinterested.  I was glad to see them together, because it made me happy that he chose to dump me in favor of the ‘other relationship’.  Even though he was okay looking, very well-mannered and polite, I thought he seemed like a very controlling person, and plus that he had beady, black, set-too-close together eyes that reminded me of a rat, (or my second ex-husband, oh wait – same thing) and to top it off, he had really bad taste in china, crystal and flatware!!  That did not prevent me from kind of stalking him a little bit.  I drove past the front of his house a couple of times, that way I knew which one it was when I walked down the beach – and there were tacky dolphin fountain/statues around the pool too.  

 Of course now I realize what a blessing it was that I managed to not get involved with somebody at that time – I was so friggin’ needy when I first tried online dating, that had one of those douchebags actually responded, I would no doubt be in yet another loveless and/or abusive relationship.  It was the first time I had been on my own in 31 years, and I really did not think I could take care of myself at that point, so I was terrified of being on my own, and I also have a tendency to kick the nice ones to the curb in favor of someone who doesn't usually treat me very nicely.

Even though I think I am probably too content with living alone at this point to ever be in another relationship, I still hold out hope that someday I will be able to fall in love.  Sometimes I wonder if I didn't already meet my soul mate, only to dump him for the crazy long-haired bad boy.  I'm pretty sure I did, and it was more than likely because I knew he could be a forever thing, and the bad boy was supposed to only be temporary – a one night stand that went terribly wrong was how I referred to it in later arguments with said crazy long-haired bad boy.  But the truth of it is that long-haired bad boy was the love of my life, and not a day has gone past in the last six years since I last talked to him, that I haven't thought of him.  I believe there is a difference between a soul-mate and the love of your life.  It can be boiled down to right and wrong – just because you are crazy in love with someone doesn't mean they are the right person for you to be with.  Not to mention my commitment issues – I am literally terrified that I will make the wrong choice, and get stuck with the wrong person – AGAIN!!

But as much as I don't understand why, there is a reason for me having all these bizarre relationships.  Perhaps all the screw ups are just getting me ready for Mr. Right.  The old 'you have to kiss a lot of frogs' theory in action.

Emotionally unavailable - that is how that little twerp, Mr. Bill, described me.  He was the ignorant hillbilly dickwad that tried to move in with me back in 2006 – the one I made the voodoo doll of.  Actually hillbillies have more class than he did.  And he could be right, I know for sure that I am a commitment-phobe, that’s probably not a real word, but it is a real phobia.  And there you have one of the nice things about the internet, you can Google symptoms and find out what kind of dis-order is currently popular among the psychobabble community.  Thanks to Google, I now realize that I am a little walking ball of crazy.  I discovered a few weeks ago, while watching Necessary Roughness, that I have something called Avoidant Personality Disorder – once again, a real disorder.  Dr. Dani was called in to consult an author who had not been out of his house in nine months – which would be me if I did not have my weekend job.  I've been saying for quite some time now that I am one small step away from being a full-fledged hermit, and I wasn't kidding.  Yes, I do realize that it’s harder to do things when you have no car, and it is either sweltering outside with 100% humidity, or just flat out raining, and then there’s West Nile Virus to take into consideration. But I am not exaggerating when I say that I haven’t actually been to a grocery store for so long now that I would probably just get confused and wander aimlessly down the aisles – probably start humming and dancing to the piped in Muzak. My second ex-husband HATED when I did that –so I would do it even more just to piss him off –I win!!

Well I was planning on covering my revelations on personal style in this blog too, but this is already too long winded and boring,  and I have wandered so far off the original subject that I don’t even know what I was talking about.  Next time – I promise – and don’t forget to feed the fish!