Dude-I got a Dell… and other high (& low) lights of the last 2 years

I just finished reading some of my old blogs… how sad. First of all, I haven’t posted a blog since December of ‘08, and that was an old one that I just reposted because I didn’t have the enthusiasm to come up with a new one. So I just removed that one. But, the second reason I said how sad, was because I was, very, very, sad.

Those of you who were with me back then might remember that after being unemployed for 11 months, I reluctantly agreed to return to Illinois. I can’t remember a time when I ever really liked it there. It was where I grew up, but as far back as I could recall I had nothing but bad memories from that place. Two bad marriages, losing custody of my kids, a lying-cheating second husband, the foreign exchange student from hell, and my Mother’s losing battle with cancer. I was none too excited to give up the life in Florida that I had worked so hard to accomplish. But, as they say, all good things must come to an end, so in Sept ‘08 the movers came to pack up all my worldly possessions, and I headed for Illinois with nothing more than what would fit into one suitcase.

Well, without going into too much detail, I will just say that it didn’t work out, and I learned some things about human nature that I really didn’t want to know. I couldn’t find a job up there - let’s face it, things are bad everywhere, and when you are over 60 and competing with the newly unemployed that are half your age you really don’t have a chance. So, next thing I know, I find myself on a Greyhound bus heading south with nothing more than the suitcase I brought up with me, and nothing to go back to. I honestly have never been so scared in my life, and the fact that nobody seemed to care about what happened to me didn’t go unnoticed either. Fortunately for me, I did have a couple of really good friends back in Florida that helped me out. Cathie picked me up from the bus station, and Christie gave me a place to stay for a while.

Once again, sparing the gory details, life was not a bowl of cherries when I got back here either. I found a job straight away, but the woman I worked for turned out to be the fire breathing hag from hell who raised bitch to a whole new level, and (thankfully) it only lasted 9 days. Of course, in those 9 days I had managed to get moved into a little guest house by the beach, and fool myself into thinking that everything was all “hunky dory” again. Wrong - I spent all day everyday applying for every single job I could find. I didn’t have a computer, so I would either take the bus to the Agency for Workforce Innovation office, or ride a bike to the library to apply for jobs online.

By April/May, I was desperate to find a full time job. I needed to get an apartment, get a car, and get my “stuff” back from the movers in Miami. At the end of May, I finally gave up trying to find a full time job and decided to opt for two (or more) part time jobs. I wasn’t getting unemployment because the last job I had was working for a temp agency & you can’t claim unemployment from them because you are only a temporary employee. I did eventually get one part time job by the beginning of June, but by that time it was too little too late. I ended up living on food stamps and getting ejected from the guest house by the end of June of ‘09.
　
Technically I was homeless for the entire month of July, but I had a “friend” who really owed me a huge favor so I was able to stay at her place for the month. That actually only added to the nightmare - she lived in an area of town that I will be kind and just say was unsavory. Every other apartment in the complex was inhabited by either a crack-head or a crack dealer, and I learned some things about my “friend” that I really wish I hadn’t. Once again, human nature rears it’s ugly head.

Still, desperate times call for desperate measures don’t they, and moving out of there became my highest priority. I found the place I’m at now quite by accident. Christie knew I needed to find a cheaper place to live, and that I wanted to stay in Old Naples. So, before I moved out of the guest house she was driving through this neighborhood when she saw a “for rent” sign in front of a cute little blue cottage with white trim. I got on the bike to check it out and get the phone number when I spotted the “for rent” sign in front of this other place in the next block.

I have to admit that the first time I saw this place it scared me. It was honestly foreboding. Hidden amongst large trees, it was dark, dirty, dismal and quite frankly it looked abandoned. I called the number for the cute place, but nobody ever answered, I left a message, but nobody ever called me back. After waiting a couple days with no call back, I called the number for “scary house” and got an appointment to see it that night. Well, it was no friendlier when I looked at the place the first time - the owner was not able to meet me until after 8pm and of course by that time it was dark and there are no overhead lights in here, so all I could really do was get a feel for the size of the space. Well, I really didn’t have the money to get into anywhere at that point, which is how I ended up spending the month of July being homeless. By the end of July I had managed to save up some money to (hopefully) be able to get an apartment, so I hopped on the bike and cruised the neighborhood. And, once again, scary place had a “for rent” sign outside again. So, long story short, I called the landlord, told him I would take it and ended up picking up the key July 27^th.

Well, the day I moved in was a real treat. I opened the door and the smell was so overpowering it made my eyes water. What I couldn’t see the night I first looked at it was glaringly obvious during the light of day. First of all the roof had been leaking for years, plus the previous tenant had been a crack dealer. The smell was from mildew, and every surface was covered with this gooey brown syrupy substance. I actually just sat down and cried. I could not believe that my life had deteriorated to that point.

So, here I was, living in one smelly room, with nothing more than a part-time job, and the only furniture I had was an air mattress that Christie lent to me and some hand-me-down stuff from Cathie. Quite frankly I was depressed to say the least. Until I realized that what I had been given was a ’do over’. Not too many people are lucky enough to get one or smart enough to realize what they are. And I have to admit that I didn’t see it that way at first either.

It’s true what they say about you get what you ask for - I had always thought that meant that you had to spend your life spouting positive thoughts all the time. And I am not very good at positive thinking, what I did not realize was that in the whole “what you think about you bring about” theory, when all you do is worry and fret and think about all the bad things in your life - all you attract into your life is the same crap you were worrying about in the first place. For me it was a total “uh duh” moment, ‘crappy out - crappy back‘ as simple as that. Imagine my surprise when I realized that living in this cheap little dump afforded me the luxury of not having to work full time. That I could finally do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it! I filed for my social security benefits early, so I now have enough money to live comfortably.

Oh it hasn’t been all smooth going - I was borderline suicidal when the movers wanted to auction off all of my worldly possessions; but after having a talk with my son, he made me realize that all that stuff had just been holding me back for so many years. How many times had I wandered around my condo looking at it all & thinking “if I didn’t have all this stuff I could move to someplace I would rather be - maybe be happy again.” I read somewhere that sometimes the things we work the hardest to attain become like a rock around our neck, holding us back. Sure, I had it all, but I had to work at crappy jobs I hated just to keep a roof over it. Having lost it all has given me the opportunity to get all new BETTER stuff and not having much room means I have to get rid of some stuff before I bring in new stuff.

My favorite quote of all time is:

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you’ve imagined” (Thoreau)

I used to have that on a paperweight on my desk. I just never realized that it was possible until I ended up here. I had always dreamed of living in a little bungalow by the beach - okay, granted it is not quite what I had in mind, but here I am, one and a half blocks from Naples Bay and eight blocks from the Gulf of Mexico.

And, I am nothing if not resourceful. But, with a little bit of elbow grease, a couple of cans of paint & some build it yourself furniture, I now have a cute, cozy little home in a very desirable location. I spend my time doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I am also starting to do some of the things I have wanted to do for years, but always had an excuse not to do, like I started to play the guitar again.

I was supposed to spend last year looking after myself, losing weight, getting back in shape. I did not. But I have actually eliminated all of my excuses as to why not, and taken the steps necessary to start that this year, so lets see what happens with that.

So there you have it folks, my history in a nutshell. I have never had less in my life, and yet I have never been happier either.

Obviously proves that less (stuff) is more (happiness).