And life goes on...

Well, my last blog was mainly intended for some myspace friends who were asking me what had happened to me since I disappeared in 2008. I honestly don’t think they even read it. Oh well - onward and upward!!

So what have I been up to since my first blog? Well there was the Orlando trip to participate in “The Grandparents Tour 2011” of course. I had an absolute blast!! I got to meet Bella for the first time. I think she liked me. I can only say that I don’t know how her parents can stand being around all that cuteness all the time!! Not to mention that she is good natured and happy all the time. I only saw her cry once in the two days I was with her, plus a minor hissy fit when Di wanted to put her in the car seat at the end of the second day. Which was amazing because she was either in a stroller, car seat or high chair for the better part of two days & she is at the stage between crawling & walking where babies just want to move around and discover whatever they can.

 

How cute is she?!?

 

And apart from just being happy to hang out with Dan, Di and Bella, there was the Magic Kingdom and Universal to explore.

Monday was the Magic Kingdom - I had not been there since Savannah was 3, and she is now 17, and when we were there we spent all day in Fantasy Land and didn’t really explore anything else. This time around Fantasy Land was closed, so I got to see all the stuff I missed first time around. We went on the people mover and got an over view of the entire park, and Dan, Di and I went on a pretty tame, but fun, run away train roller coaster ride while Di’s Dad, Dale, watched Bella who was conveniently napping at the time. Bella magically fell asleep whenever Di & Dan wanted to go on a grown-up ride!!

Me, Dan, Di & Bella at the Magic Kingdom

The highlight of the day had to have been when we took Bella on the ‘It’s a Small World’ ride. She was fascinated with all the clockwork movement on the walls while we were waiting in the line, and then once we got on the boat & started moving along, she started dancing & singing along with the music. It was adorable!

Bella using Daddy's head as a drum - precious!

Tuesday was Universal, with the highlight for all of us being Harry Potter!!! I would highly recommend it to anyone of any age - we all had a great time!! That was the first time I have ever been to Universal, and I really enjoyed it. I even had a moment of sheer insanity and agreed to go on 'The Hulk' roller coaster... all I can say was it was fun right up until the very end, and then my stomach caught up with the rest of my body & my face started to match my shirt (see pic below). My advice to anyone attempting this feat would be NOT to do it right after lunch!!

Di, Dan, Me & Bella in 'Hogs Mead'

The past couple of weeks have been unbelievably productive for me. I think I have finally come out of hibernation. It all started when I decided to go out for dinner at the little restaurant down the street & ran into a lady that I knew from my past association with the local Art Center. We got to talking and she led me to believe that there was a possibility that I could work there, which is something I have been trying to do for years, so I made an appointment to go in and talk to her about that. So, fast forward to my appointment which was at 10:30, I walked over there (it’s roughly five blocks) and we talked. Let me just say that you should never take anything too seriously that is told to you by someone who has had several glasses of wine at ‘happy hour’! It turned out that they aren’t actually hiring, and what she was referring to was a program designed to get ‘mature’ women back into the workforce. They did have a position opening up soon, but it would be more hours for less money. Seemed like a ‘no brainer’ to me, I’m trying to get out of the workforce, and working more hours gives me less time to make jewelry, which is how I would prefer to support myself. But, I did end up signing up to be a volunteer, and to sit in the gallery every Thursday this month. I also picked up a flier for some classes that they offer, and maybe between those two things I can get over this ‘Artist’s Block’ that I have had for the last 40 years. From there I decided to just walk home via 5^th Ave and do some ‘window shopping’. That actually turned out to be a really good excursion, because I got to check out what other people are making and selling, nothing like what I’m doing right now, so that’s a really good thing.

When I got home I cleaned ‘house’, which involved tearing the whole place apart, moving half the furniture outside & mopping the floor in stages because it takes so long for it to dry. Then on Tuesday the productive streak continued with my actually working on my latest jewelry project, Wednesday I went to the library - and after that I lost track of which day I did what, but apart from all the cleaning, I did a whole bunch of ironing & just generally managed to stay busy and get out of the house everyday. Which is a sure sign that spring has sprung here in southwest Florida!

'Frog belly' coil necklace - work in progress

Right now I am sitting outside, enjoying a rare moment of internet service at home, watching lizards chase each other & a beautiful little yellow finch flitting around in the trees. I was going to go to the beach, but now I have changed my mind & I think I will work on the jewelry project and then head down to Starbucks to play my games.

Don't forget to feed the fish!!
　
　

Dude-I got a Dell… and other high (& low) lights of the last 2 years

I just finished reading some of my old blogs… how sad. First of all, I haven’t posted a blog since December of ‘08, and that was an old one that I just reposted because I didn’t have the enthusiasm to come up with a new one. So I just removed that one. But, the second reason I said how sad, was because I was, very, very, sad.

Those of you who were with me back then might remember that after being unemployed for 11 months, I reluctantly agreed to return to Illinois. I can’t remember a time when I ever really liked it there. It was where I grew up, but as far back as I could recall I had nothing but bad memories from that place. Two bad marriages, losing custody of my kids, a lying-cheating second husband, the foreign exchange student from hell, and my Mother’s losing battle with cancer. I was none too excited to give up the life in Florida that I had worked so hard to accomplish. But, as they say, all good things must come to an end, so in Sept ‘08 the movers came to pack up all my worldly possessions, and I headed for Illinois with nothing more than what would fit into one suitcase.

Well, without going into too much detail, I will just say that it didn’t work out, and I learned some things about human nature that I really didn’t want to know. I couldn’t find a job up there - let’s face it, things are bad everywhere, and when you are over 60 and competing with the newly unemployed that are half your age you really don’t have a chance. So, next thing I know, I find myself on a Greyhound bus heading south with nothing more than the suitcase I brought up with me, and nothing to go back to. I honestly have never been so scared in my life, and the fact that nobody seemed to care about what happened to me didn’t go unnoticed either. Fortunately for me, I did have a couple of really good friends back in Florida that helped me out. Cathie picked me up from the bus station, and Christie gave me a place to stay for a while.

Once again, sparing the gory details, life was not a bowl of cherries when I got back here either. I found a job straight away, but the woman I worked for turned out to be the fire breathing hag from hell who raised bitch to a whole new level, and (thankfully) it only lasted 9 days. Of course, in those 9 days I had managed to get moved into a little guest house by the beach, and fool myself into thinking that everything was all “hunky dory” again. Wrong - I spent all day everyday applying for every single job I could find. I didn’t have a computer, so I would either take the bus to the Agency for Workforce Innovation office, or ride a bike to the library to apply for jobs online.

By April/May, I was desperate to find a full time job. I needed to get an apartment, get a car, and get my “stuff” back from the movers in Miami. At the end of May, I finally gave up trying to find a full time job and decided to opt for two (or more) part time jobs. I wasn’t getting unemployment because the last job I had was working for a temp agency & you can’t claim unemployment from them because you are only a temporary employee. I did eventually get one part time job by the beginning of June, but by that time it was too little too late. I ended up living on food stamps and getting ejected from the guest house by the end of June of ‘09.
　
Technically I was homeless for the entire month of July, but I had a “friend” who really owed me a huge favor so I was able to stay at her place for the month. That actually only added to the nightmare - she lived in an area of town that I will be kind and just say was unsavory. Every other apartment in the complex was inhabited by either a crack-head or a crack dealer, and I learned some things about my “friend” that I really wish I hadn’t. Once again, human nature rears it’s ugly head.

Still, desperate times call for desperate measures don’t they, and moving out of there became my highest priority. I found the place I’m at now quite by accident. Christie knew I needed to find a cheaper place to live, and that I wanted to stay in Old Naples. So, before I moved out of the guest house she was driving through this neighborhood when she saw a “for rent” sign in front of a cute little blue cottage with white trim. I got on the bike to check it out and get the phone number when I spotted the “for rent” sign in front of this other place in the next block.

I have to admit that the first time I saw this place it scared me. It was honestly foreboding. Hidden amongst large trees, it was dark, dirty, dismal and quite frankly it looked abandoned. I called the number for the cute place, but nobody ever answered, I left a message, but nobody ever called me back. After waiting a couple days with no call back, I called the number for “scary house” and got an appointment to see it that night. Well, it was no friendlier when I looked at the place the first time - the owner was not able to meet me until after 8pm and of course by that time it was dark and there are no overhead lights in here, so all I could really do was get a feel for the size of the space. Well, I really didn’t have the money to get into anywhere at that point, which is how I ended up spending the month of July being homeless. By the end of July I had managed to save up some money to (hopefully) be able to get an apartment, so I hopped on the bike and cruised the neighborhood. And, once again, scary place had a “for rent” sign outside again. So, long story short, I called the landlord, told him I would take it and ended up picking up the key July 27^th.

Well, the day I moved in was a real treat. I opened the door and the smell was so overpowering it made my eyes water. What I couldn’t see the night I first looked at it was glaringly obvious during the light of day. First of all the roof had been leaking for years, plus the previous tenant had been a crack dealer. The smell was from mildew, and every surface was covered with this gooey brown syrupy substance. I actually just sat down and cried. I could not believe that my life had deteriorated to that point.

So, here I was, living in one smelly room, with nothing more than a part-time job, and the only furniture I had was an air mattress that Christie lent to me and some hand-me-down stuff from Cathie. Quite frankly I was depressed to say the least. Until I realized that what I had been given was a ’do over’. Not too many people are lucky enough to get one or smart enough to realize what they are. And I have to admit that I didn’t see it that way at first either.

It’s true what they say about you get what you ask for - I had always thought that meant that you had to spend your life spouting positive thoughts all the time. And I am not very good at positive thinking, what I did not realize was that in the whole “what you think about you bring about” theory, when all you do is worry and fret and think about all the bad things in your life - all you attract into your life is the same crap you were worrying about in the first place. For me it was a total “uh duh” moment, ‘crappy out - crappy back‘ as simple as that. Imagine my surprise when I realized that living in this cheap little dump afforded me the luxury of not having to work full time. That I could finally do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it! I filed for my social security benefits early, so I now have enough money to live comfortably.

Oh it hasn’t been all smooth going - I was borderline suicidal when the movers wanted to auction off all of my worldly possessions; but after having a talk with my son, he made me realize that all that stuff had just been holding me back for so many years. How many times had I wandered around my condo looking at it all & thinking “if I didn’t have all this stuff I could move to someplace I would rather be - maybe be happy again.” I read somewhere that sometimes the things we work the hardest to attain become like a rock around our neck, holding us back. Sure, I had it all, but I had to work at crappy jobs I hated just to keep a roof over it. Having lost it all has given me the opportunity to get all new BETTER stuff and not having much room means I have to get rid of some stuff before I bring in new stuff.

My favorite quote of all time is:

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you’ve imagined” (Thoreau)

I used to have that on a paperweight on my desk. I just never realized that it was possible until I ended up here. I had always dreamed of living in a little bungalow by the beach - okay, granted it is not quite what I had in mind, but here I am, one and a half blocks from Naples Bay and eight blocks from the Gulf of Mexico.

And, I am nothing if not resourceful. But, with a little bit of elbow grease, a couple of cans of paint & some build it yourself furniture, I now have a cute, cozy little home in a very desirable location. I spend my time doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I am also starting to do some of the things I have wanted to do for years, but always had an excuse not to do, like I started to play the guitar again.

I was supposed to spend last year looking after myself, losing weight, getting back in shape. I did not. But I have actually eliminated all of my excuses as to why not, and taken the steps necessary to start that this year, so lets see what happens with that.

So there you have it folks, my history in a nutshell. I have never had less in my life, and yet I have never been happier either.

Obviously proves that less (stuff) is more (happiness).